Warm and familiar...

We served 125 people at the Inn last night.  It's the first time I've really worked in that kitchen in over 5 years, but it was amazing how easily it came back to me.  Of course serving 125 people is stressful and somewhat chaotic, but was good to feel the warm and familiar glow of the broiler on my forehead and hear the sizzle of a fresh trout in a buttered pan.  I must've cooked 10,000 trout in that kitchen at the Woodbridge Inn.  When I was a young boy, we'd receive our trout from the Price Creek Trout farm just outside Jasper, and often the fish would still be alive.  One of my duties in the kitchen at that point was cleaning (gutting) and de-boning the fish.  Occasionally my father would allow me to keep one of fish alive in the sink while I worked.  I suppose it was a temporary stay of execution for the trout and I invariably ended up getting attached to my "sink fish".  My father would always have to take over the cleaning duties for that particular fish...I'm just too sensitive for that.

So in case you haven't heard (or guessed), Amy and I are taking over at the Woodbridge Inn.  It will be a work in progress for a long time, but we have some ideas in mind, all of which building on the successes my parents and our family history.  I'll try and keep a running log on things as we move forward...wish us luck! More on that soon...

My PICC line was removed on Thursday after a packed class at the Cancer Wellness Center.  It feels good to have full use of my left arm again.  Hooray! Now I have to snack with renewed fervor to keep these pounds on.  Speaking of, it's time for a snack!

Be well...Gesundheit!

Hans

The mouse and I...

My mother has a picture of me at Walt Disney World circa 1974.  I'm standing in front of Pluto wearing an awful pair of plaid shorts.  What makes the photo memorable is that I'm grabbing my crotch with both hands in an attempt to keep from peeing on myself (Disney is too fun to stop for restroom breaks).  Pluto even appears to be keeping a safe distance in case my anti-urine technique failed miserably.  The photo evokes my earliest memories of Disney, and Walt Disney World has been a part of my life ever since.

When I was a junior at Georgia State University, a representative from Disney came on campus to accept applications for their college intern program.  The interview process was lengthy and, when all was said and done, I knew I wouldn't be selected.  They were looking for the "all American" kid, a good student, and someone who would represent the Mouse well.  In my mind, I failed on all counts.  So I was dumbfounded when  I got the call that, not only was I accepted to the program, but I was the ONLY person from hundreds of applicants that was chosen from GSU that year.  I ended up spending a few months working at the Caribbean Beach  Hotel and being immersed in Disney's "corporate culture".  The company is quite possibly the most detail oriented organization on the planet and companies from all over the world visit to take part in their corporate training sessions.   

We're here for a few days because I was asked to be a guest speaker at EPCOT's International Food and Wine Festival.  From the moment we checked in the hotel, Disney once again overwhelmed us with details and surprised: an embroidered chef's coat, a bottle of wine, a goodie bag with all sorts of food-related swag, park tickets, and so on.  We're feeling a little VIP, which is so much better than feeling SICK.  Of course I'm hooked up to my IV feeding tube right now and there's all the medical paraphernalia that goes with it, but we're making the best of it. We came here immediately after I finished my chemo and radiation as well.  I was sick several times and eating was challenging (and still can be), but now matter how bad you feel, this place just makes you feel a bit better.

I think it's amazing how life comes around in circles some times.  I'm 37 now (with much better bladder control) and now my kids are experiencing the magic for themselves.  I love seeing their faces light up as we meander through the parks.  We love walking slowly through the parks to find those hidden little alcoves, each immaculately landscaped and sparkling clean.  People are usually in such a rush to run from one attraction to the other that they often overlook all of the details that truly make this place unique.  And while I know this place backwards and forwards, there's still plenty of magic to be found around every corner at Walt Disney World.  And we could all use a little magic from time to time, don't you think?

Time to head to the festival...more soon.  Gesundheit!

Hans

Tethered...

Liquid calories are being pumped into my veins at a rate of 1800 calories every 1o hours.  I'm hooked up to my Curlin pump right now and the machine's semi-silent whirring gently reminds me that I'm being force fed.  The TPN (total parenteral nutrition) goes right into my bloodstream, bypassing the GI tract entirely.  The goal with the TPN is for me to gain a dozen or more pounds so that if my esophagus decides to start bleeding again, I have a bit of a buffer.  My hemoglobin is up to 9.6 since dipping down to 8.3 just a week or so ago, so the bleed has stopped for now.  I've already put on about 7 or 8 pounds, though I think much of that is simply water weight.  But Dr. H says this PICC line comes out of my arm when I hit 160, so I don't care if it's water weight or fat...I just want this thing out of my arm so I can be untethered.  It's uncomfortable and cumbersome and tedious.  I don't mean to complain, because I realize things can be (and have been) much worse.  But the TPN and all of its paraphernalia are a ball and chain that represent poor health.  I'm ready to cast it off and start living outside the shadow of my roller coaster health issues.  Cancer has changed my life, and in many ways for the better, but I'm tired of medical things.  I need a break.  No more tubes and pumps and IV lines, no more "emergency" flights to Texas to have my esophagus cauterized, no more worries and uncertainty.

I'll be lugging my TPN supplies and my Curlin pump down to Disney next week for the International Food and Wine festival. I may well be the only chef speaking there who is getting much of his nutrition through an IV line.  But I'm looking forward to it.  Even with the medical supplies, EPCOT will be a much needed change of scenery and I love talking about food.  The kids are excited, Amy's excited, and I'm excited too.

The fig tree surprised me with a handful of fat juicy figs yesterday, and we may even get another crop before frost strips the tree bare.  I think I need to plant more fig trees...

Be well...gesundheit,

Hans

Home...

Just a quick note to thank you all for your well-wishes and kindness during my recent illness.  I'm home and will continue those TPN feedings via IV for at least a month until my weight increases a bit.  If you'd considered joining me for the Gastric Cancer Fund dinner, that event IS still happening tonight from 5-7pm at PRIME in Lenox Mall in Atlanta.  Just come hungry and the restaurant will donate a portion of all food sold to the GCF, and I'll do the same with all books sold.

More soon...gesundheit!

Hans

Another day...

Time moves like cold honey when you're in the hospital on the weekends.  The day is marked with vitals and blood being drawn at seemingly irregular intervals, timed perfectly with my need for sleep.  Even an attempt at an hour nap is punctuated by a knock on the door to ask questions about my "output" or my pain level.  My blood work shows an improvement over yesterday, with my hemoglobin up a point or so and 1800 calories packed in via IV.  The plan is to send me home with my new 2-lumen PICC line and then have the IV nutrition (TPN) continue for another month or so.  I'm hoping that I'm released on Monday, but I've been warned that it may be Tuesday.  So I'll continue to rest in waves as allowed and hope that my hemoglobin and weight rise like a helium balloon.

Be well...gesundheit,

Hans

Scoped, admitted, and PICC'ed

Long day.  The scope was the worst one I've experienced.  Because my blood level was (is) so low, they couldn't give me the usual level of sedation, so I remember gagging through most of the procedure.  Pretty rough.  The source of my esophageal bleed was not immediately apparent,  but there was a patch of granular tissue that Dr. H cauterized.  I should be at home right now, but instead, I've been admitted to the hospital so the can monitor.  My hemoglobin is the lowest it's been since my cancer was first discovered in 2005.  So I'm here to be monitored to make sure I don't continue to lose blood.  Un-fun...

I just had a new PICC line installed/inserted.  Also un-fun, but the PICC line prevents future sticks and will allow me to go home with my IV nutrition (TPN).  My weight is down to the low 140's, which simply amplifies the condition of my lower blood issues.  My PICC lie has two ports (lumens) this time.  I still have the little scar on my right arm from the last PICC which was just removed a month or so ago.  So right now I'm hooked up to telemetry, a finger oxygen monitor, an IV on my right hand and a PICC on my left upper arm.  Bionic...

Chest x-ray in just a moment, IV nutrition through the night, then more blood work in the AM.  Never a dull moment...

I guess I need to mention that I won't be able to attend the Atlanta Home Show tomorrow as planned.  I was scheduled at their March show as well and ended up in the hospital.  Those folks there are going to hate me now and I hate that I'm missing it.  So if you're looking for something to do this weekend, visit the Atlanta Home Show at the Cobb Galleria Center.  I was supposed to do a demo/speech at 2:00, but they have great chefs on before and after my time slot.

As always, thank you for all the well wishes and support.  Time for an x-ray.  Gesundheit,

Hans

Tissue issues...

So my esophagus is bleeding again.  For whatever reason, the tissue in the esophagus has become friable and I'm bringing up blood in random intervals since last Friday.  I have medications that sometimes "fix" those issues, but this time it seems to be a bit more significant.  My blood hemoglobin count has dropped from a 14.5 to a 9.5 and I have all of dizziness and lightheadedness associated with that.  So I go in for an endoscopy in the morning where the plan is to further cauterize the offending tissue and continue to build that scar bridge over the area that keeps bleeding.  The human body is an amazing thing, but the kitchen sink is much easier to repair, and less expensive too.

In a way this sort of thing has become "normal" to me, but fresh on the heels of my "4 years cancer free" visit to MD Anderson, it's a little disheartening to have another medical issue so soon.  I'm sure I'll be dealing with medical issues off and on again for many more years, but I just need a break.  Our family has other things to focus on than me and my tissue issues.  I'd much rather be taking my kids to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs than having a probe slipped down my throat.  I have enough pictures of my insides now that I could fill a family scrapbook..."And here's my esophagus right before our trip to Disney World in 2006.  Oh, and there it is again in Houston after visiting the museum of natural history."  It would be one boring as hell scrapbook, but I have the pictures and they're not always pretty.  So by Friday afternoon I should have another set of photos to enjoy and we'll see what these pictures reveal.  I'll be semi-unconscious, but I'll try and remember to smile this time...

Be well...gesundheit,

Hans